Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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