Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
