I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
