in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
