im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
