A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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