i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
organizing the empties. That sober.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
