So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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