I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
