She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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