I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
