did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
