Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
