He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
