she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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