The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
