Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
