I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
