You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
