elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
