Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
