I'm lost and stupid without you.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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