Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize