Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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