Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
