I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
