I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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