I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
