they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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