you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think my moral compass just broke
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
