I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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