She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
