:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
