How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
