also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
