i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
