i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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