Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
