we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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