we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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