Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i out mim tonsoeep
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
