Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everclear isn't food dammit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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