You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
