He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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