He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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