so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
