u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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