I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
