I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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