people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
