he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
